Throughout my career in theater, I’ve felt not enough. I’ve always tried to fit into these boxes of what these casting directors are looking for, where every time I didn’t get a job, I questioned whether or not I’m actually “good enough” to do this.
I always was trying to read the casting directors mind and comparing myself to others, I’m too this, I’m too that, the voices many actors are used to. And after a lot of time where I didn’t feel welcome or safe in rooms to show my artistry, I was craving spaces that were diverse and that understood the type of artist I am.
I’ve heard of Rev.Latina’s BWS programs through a friend I had recently done a show with. After doing a show where the majority of the cast were from diverse Latin backgrounds, it gave me a feeling that I wanted to recapture again. Applying and even getting the invitation to audition was surprising to me, I was just like, they want me? And to hear it was a class type of setting, made the wave of nervousness and the need to be perfect fade away.
Walking into the space, the air felt different. And even though I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t feel this chaotic feeling, it just felt like here is where I am, and I was actually excited to share my artistry with others in the room. Everyone from the minute we started to the minute we finished, made the environment so warm and welcoming, which is a welcome change to other auditions I’ve been to. It wasn’t about being this polished, finished product that you sing your 8 bars and try to show how amazing you are.
They actually cared about the work that goes into this. About the artistry. About pushing forward the boundaries of what theater should be. It was one of the most intense auditions I had ever been to, in the best way possible. I had spent three hours with these other auditioners, and the team and it felt like an awakening almost. After it all, I felt like I had known everyone for years and we were coming together and creating something so cool and special.
The process even made me emotional, to the point of tears, because I realized that after searching for a while, I had finally found a space that felt safe to be in. A space where I was enough just where I am at and am encouraged to grow into where I need to be. And that was my biggest hope by applying and being able to participate in this program.
I was looking for spaces that I can become the artist I know I need to be, looking for the people who I know I am safe around and we are in this together, a place I can feel like my most authentic self and feel empowered. And with being accepted into the program, I look forward to daring to go beyond and to finally be around the community I’ve been waiting for.
By: Tyler Ayala-VanTassel